Author: admin

Life is just a series of changes we adapt to. It doesn’t end when we become adults. Matter of fact, I think the changes are bigger, and while the adult brain has been conditioned to better handle these curves through life, I believe they have a deeper impact. Usually, you are experiencing the full force, by yourself. Which makes for a deeper groove on the heart and mind.

As a child, I remember the automation of waking up, school, play, shower, dinner, and bedtime. As a teen, the adjustments are made to add new things to the routine, homework, dating, socializing. While I spend a lot of time remembering the easiest of days as a child, it makes me even more thankful I had an adult there to supervise and instruct me through the twists and turns. I believe children, as they grow older, become more independent. This is good for self-esteem and prepping for adulthood. However, I see the struggle becomes too great when they reach an age where they presume, because of how easy it is, they can do it all by themselves. Sometimes even accelerating themselves into adulthood. With the false foundation of doing it themselves, they venture out, full speed, to make mistakes of their own.

This is why I have always valued family. Shy of burning your bridges with them, family, yes even siblings, can be a wonderful cushion to have in place when you fall. Life is not about if you fall, but when. I believe every child knows this, every teen shows this, and it continues on until we make our final fall. In our younger years, we fall, and we know our parent(s) is/are right there to help us through the traumatic event. We develop our sense of security and self-awareness at these early stages. As a teenager, we have a good foundation to push limits. We know if we are going to fall, we have people around us that will help as needed. As an adult, we carry that burden ourselves. We adjust to minimize the fall, take precautions to not fall. It is on us, when we fall, to make right. To overcome our injuries, and push forward.

When you have children of your own, you now have little people relying on you to fill in those gaps as they fall. You have these young people, on the cusp of adulthood, you want to make sure each fall is leaving minimal scars. All the while, you are watching your every step, because if you stumble, it is no longer just you who must deal with the consequences, but a spouse, any children, friends, and family are all affected.

And my final point on this is that parenting is a thankless endeavor. You do everything for your kids, you make sure they have everything they need. And, you get hit with hatred, anger, and discontent. Sadly, most of the time, your kids will have no clue what you endured for them until they have kids of their own. But you must adjust continually to keep up.  Often times at a cost to you. Whether it is your health, finances, time, or energy, you must try and balance multiple lives.

Seeing through these eyes is why I have been able to forgive my parents who put me up for adoption. My adopted parents who either abandoned me or made some very questionable choices thinking only of themselves. Yet, through all that, I was able to make it. I was able to grow up, have kids of my own, and even got to see my grandchild. Sure half my life has been me doing all the heavy lifting, but the other half, that was family seeing me through.

Life is full of changes. Learn to adapt or you will miss out on some of the greatest times. Learn to turn away from selfish things, in order to make someone else’s life grow. Above all, remember, bad things happen to good people. Be good enough, to make the best of it, and be strong enough to help others, even where your lifeisn’t going as planned.

“What I value in you now, may not be the same later. That is the beauty of relationships. Who we are now, isnt who we are ten years from now. That change over time, is what builds unbreakable bonds.” -Anonymous Apostle

The ability to adapt to change is necessary to a healthy relationship. You are not the same person you were, nor is your significant other. This doesn’t change just because you started a relationship.

Understanding that the two of you will grow, is where every argument will end. As you become new people, your ideals will slowly come together. In a healthy relationship, this is why it works. So don’t beat yourself up because the same thing you have been doing for years, suddenly annoys your partner. It just means they have grown passed it, and you will too.

Give each other time and space to grow. Learn to forgive and laugh. And never be afraid to say “I’m sorry.”

Many years ago, I was in the middle of my first major crisis. I was at a loss for answers, and as an Atheist, my paths to advice were limited to other people. I was left with a circular route of thought. Out of sheer frustration and hopelessness, I buckled to the pressure of prayer.

I didn’t know what god to pray to. Allah, Yahweh, Krishna, Odin, and Gaia were at the top of the list regionally. As I met representatives from each of these gods, I found that the common trait they each had, was admitting there was a higher power at work in their lives. I fell into the human need to please through actions and after many trials, I concluded, these activities do nothing but help my feelings. I needed something more permanent.

I prayed to God. “I need patience, wisdom, and love. Lead me to these things, and I will follow you.”

The next day, I met a Christian man. Well, to be honest, I knew this man, but we hadn’t seen each other in over a decade. That lead me down a path to patience.

See, it took me a while to figure out how this meeting helped. But, let me tell you, you want to practice patience, hang out with Christians. In a couple years, I leveled up my patience, when I had a wife. Patience forged love, and love strengthened my patience.

Until my child was born. Taking both patience and love to the next level. And through the building of my family, through 2 wives, a total of 4 kids, I realized this was the ultimate training grounds.

And then yesterday happened. After years of people constantly telling me “I wish I had your patience.” or “You have the patience of a Saint.” I was at a crossroad, again, asking God for advice. He said to me “Well, what would Jesus do?”

I replied, “Well, to be honest, Jesus moved around a lot. He had a lot of needy people following Him daily, and he hid from them in a garden. Ultimately, He gave up His life.” So, am I to follow suit? I was lead to a story in the bible most people have heard. Jesus walking on water was more than a miracle. It was an account of godly patience.

(Matthew 14 in case you want to read the incident yourself)

Jesus was just informed that John The Baptist was beheaded. This was Jesus’ family, the man who baptized Him. He needed some time alone and left to do so. But, the people followed Him. If you ever had kids, you understand this dilemma. He needs some alone time, and here come the needy seeking His time and talents. He still wanted to be left alone but put himself aside to meet their needs. His disciples, the most trusted entourage in history, wanted to step in and send them away. But Jesus knew this wouldn’t work. So he sent for everyone to come to him.

Once everyone was full, he sent the disciples out on a boat, and he sent the people home. All so he could make his way to the hills, so he could be alone. You know, like, feeding your kids and sending them outside to play, so you can get some time in for yourself?

So, after an already stressful day, the disciples were out in the boat, when a storm started up. Have you ever had a storm rise up, stranded in a spot you couldn’t avoid it, but fearful of meeting it head on? Here they were, on their own, no hope in sight. As they were in a panic, they see Jesus walking on the water towards them. Were they rejoicing when help arrived? No. Big surprise, they made matters worse. It is almost like a human condition, to take a small problem, and make it bigger.

They became more fearful of a ghost. Really? They know Jesus, been with him all over, and even just left him on the shore hours earlier. Yet, somehow it made sense to them, that this would be a ghost, not their leader. So much so, they even doubted him as he confirmed his identity. and in order to prove he was actually him, Peter challenged him. “If it is you, invite me out to walk on water with you.”

Jesus gave him what he had asked for. He was walking on water! But, instead of focusing on the answer, he got caught up in the storm raging around him. He chose to focus on the problem instead of the solution, he began to sink. Calling out again for Jesus’ help. Jesus helped him up into the boat, and the storm stopped.

So, as I read this, it makes me wonder, “What was Jesus thinking?” As he just tried to get some time for himself, the needs of those around him needed to be met. Even if he didn’t think they were important, the fact that the people did, made it important to him. Not only did he set aside his needs to meet those of his people, he ended up getting his time when his people were happy. He didn’t try and escape while chaos was brewing. He made their needs top priority. And when things got thick, he didn’t abandon his people, he came to help them. Even when they made things worse, he still persisted to help them. Could you imagine the look on Jesus’ face when he saw Peter smacking the water around him in a panic? Have you ever seen a child in 3 inches of bathtub water, freak out? You, seeing the whole picture, know there is no danger there, and you also know you are there in case of emergencies. But to the child, the fear of the unknown weighs more than the trust they have in you.

Patience is defined as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset”. Understanding the human need to make things worse than they are, will help you temper your patience. Because in the end, if you let stress consume you, you will drown in it. If you are watching those around you experiencing a storm, understand, they may not see you as being there to help them. The need to make things worse will probably get some accusatory arrows shot your way. But hold steady. The time will come they will seek out your help, just make sure you are there for them. Be outside the storm if you are to help. Make sure not to get caught up in the storm.